Confused

Had a pretty stressful night last night. Lately my mind has been in a full out state of confusion. My emotions have been jumping around so much its like I don't know if I'm happy, sad, angry, or what. I think it has something to do with a with a challenge I felt God has set for me. I mean I made a complete turn around in my life in the latter months of 2008. First of all I got a job, then my mother and I have brought our relationship back together, and now I am out and about on my own, in my own little spot. He has pretty much helped me get most of the things i life that I want. One thing I'm missing of course is a car, but I can't expect the lord to provide me with everything without some effort from myself. Another thing is my soul mate. Unlike most of my generation I am out here looking for more than someone to sleep with, someone to just have round because it seems cool. I am looking someone I can spend the rest of my life with as a lifelong friend and lover. Someone who is on the same page as me with the outlook of the world. I am ready to lay my foundation for a family, yet this is not something I can achieve on my own. But coming back on topic, I feel that seeing her that day as I was getting off of work was no coincidence. At first it was just a a good feeling seeing her and the fact that she was smiling, because it had been so long. But as then days past we got back in contact and it was like nothing ever happened. Now the feeling I had felt when I saw her, had came back many times up until this day. It felt like I was sure everything in life will fall into place, which it has been. Now last night was my first feeling that something was wrong. I tossed and I turned, falling in and out of sleep, and it was like each time I woke up and went back to sleep I would dream about her. Some were good and some were bad. I am really lost right now and I have no clue what to do. Do I continue working towards the place in her heart for which I am aiming or do I just stay where I am and miss the chance that might have been? I mean in the long run I do want to lose her because she is in my heart, but I don't want to let my recent fears control me. Well as of now, all I know is I will not be weak, in the depths of myself I have an undying determination and I will use it to my advantage.

Best Friend a.k.a Biffer

From day one, I knew you were something special. Beautiful, friendly, optimistic. Those are just a few of your many qualities. I cherish our friendship very deeply. Who I am today was made in part by you. Before I met you I looked at life with a very pessimistic view. You are someone I can talk to about anything. As each day passes my feelings for you become stronger. I love to see you smile, and I even like when you say you are tired because of how hard you worked. Why? Because it lets me know you are human just like me, and not the complete and utter perfection in which I dream of. It is great to have a friend like you because you are still here today. over time many so-called friend have just died away but you, I cant possibly see where this will end. But what I do know is, it will never end. I thank you for accepting in to you life, and one day I can be accepted in your soul.